plz talk dirty to me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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