So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
