Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize