Duck Duck Cougar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
