You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My dick has a subreddit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
