then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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