you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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