Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just had sex bonerless
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
