I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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