If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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