I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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