I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
