Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
