No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
