That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize