Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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