now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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