I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
