Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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