You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
