Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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