I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
