perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
