he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
