amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
