Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't notice because vodka
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
