Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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