Please, let me fuck your mom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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