Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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