Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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