John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
