Cold hands, warm shart.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
