I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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