she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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