I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
