If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
