so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize