you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
