Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
