What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize