ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
