Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
