the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize