The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how drunk are you?
Several
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
