I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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