I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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