just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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