is your mom at the bar?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
