Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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