Define "chronic" masturbator.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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