So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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