My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
