Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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