Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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