O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
