I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
