She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
