they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
