But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
