I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
