just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize