She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
