Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
