Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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