So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
