I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
